Is This Poem Any Good…?
Posted by Zolly | Under Nutrition Tuesday Sep 29, 2009It’s a poem/short story…..
Tweeting In the Corner….
Tweet, little bird cried, tweet, tweet.
Begging for some food to eat
With his neck stretched high
And his mouth opened with a cry
His mother was somewhere round the block
Flying in the air searching for a seed stalk
The regular supply diminished and empty
So onwards she flies for food she needs badly
Bouncing through the streets a stray cat does run
On the look for a supplement of nutrition
A flying bird not far off the stray cat sees
Slyly the bird hunts, and slowly scurries
Towards the perched bird high in a tree
Our cat runs, attacks quickly
He pounces and the bird is gone
With prey in mouth the cat runs home
To a small moldy box in the corner
Where a small kittens meow is a murmer
There the cat takes her catch
The small kitten eats this snatch…
Through all this dismal story
High on branch, in a small tree
A small bird does sit waiting to eat
Crying tweet tweet, tweet tweet.
Tell me what you think….
wow thats pretty cool
it was good, it flows well and kept me reading. that’s the most important thing to writing. you also know when to stop, then start again. letting the reader have a chance to really take in the poems power and strengths.
♥♥good job!!♥♥
great poem, fancy posting http://www.poetrysamateur.wordpress.com/
just put it in the box and post.
Yerrp
good one
The poem seems too dependent on the rhyming. It is a bit too “telly” as well. Remember: show; don’t tell.
Wow, that poem is really good. Your really good at rhyming and keeping the poem flowing, great work.