Is This Poem Any Good…?

Tuesday Sep 29, 2009

It’s a poem/short story…..
Tweeting In the Corner….
Tweet, little bird cried, tweet, tweet.
Begging for some food to eat
With his neck stretched high
And his mouth opened with a cry
His mother was somewhere round the block
Flying in the air searching for a seed stalk
The regular supply diminished and empty
So onwards she flies for food she needs badly
Bouncing through the streets a stray cat does run
On the look for a supplement of nutrition
A flying bird not far off the stray cat sees
Slyly the bird hunts, and slowly scurries
Towards the perched bird high in a tree
Our cat runs, attacks quickly
He pounces and the bird is gone
With prey in mouth the cat runs home
To a small moldy box in the corner
Where a small kittens meow is a murmer
There the cat takes her catch
The small kitten eats this snatch…
Through all this dismal story
High on branch, in a small tree
A small bird does sit waiting to eat
Crying tweet tweet, tweet tweet.
Tell me what you think….


7 Comments »

oh!gravi:

wow thats pretty cool

September 29th, 2009 | 8:10 pm
♪RaeRae♫:

it was good, it flows well and kept me reading. that’s the most important thing to writing. you also know when to stop, then start again. letting the reader have a chance to really take in the poems power and strengths.
♥♥good job!!♥♥

September 30th, 2009 | 1:29 am
@ndii:

great poem, fancy posting http://www.poetrysamateur.wordpress.com/
just put it in the box and post. :)

September 30th, 2009 | 3:23 am
Katiie-x:

Yerrp :)

September 30th, 2009 | 10:16 am
I wanna be a beach bum:

good one

September 30th, 2009 | 2:11 pm
anautumn:

The poem seems too dependent on the rhyming. It is a bit too “telly” as well. Remember: show; don’t tell.

September 30th, 2009 | 2:52 pm
Hold On<3:

Wow, that poem is really good. Your really good at rhyming and keeping the poem flowing, great work.

September 30th, 2009 | 2:56 pm
Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.